"Rejected", and yet ok with that

I have been insanely crushing on a particular yoga instructor for the past several weeks. I make every effort to attend every class he teaches and almost always spend 10-15 min afterwards "chatting him up". Last week, I mustered up the courage to ask him out. The response I received was highly non-commital, which annoyed the heck out of me, but allowed the hope to continue. He didn't show up at the event I'd invited him to, but considering I'd told him about it just the day before, I could rationalize that he was already busy, and thus allow the hope to continue. I finagled his phone number out of another instructor and called him last Friday. I left him a voicemail and he actually called me back and left me a voicemail. You'd think I'd discovered gold being as excited as I was! I have much too much experience with what I like to call the "Johhny-No-Calls" of this world. But when I saw him after Monday's class, chatted him up again, tried to make plans for later in the week, he still didn't take the bait. I began to wonder: Was he really that oblivious to my intentions? Did I need bring a two-by-four to class that says "do you want to go on a date with me?" in large block letters? I was trying not to be quite so overt. Or was he completely aware of my intentions and just not interested? Or, perhaps, already "taken" and failing to kindly drop "my girlfriend" into the conversation and give me a clue? I was growing quite weary of this internal conflict and the resulting anxiety. I hated feeling this vulnerable and I was becoming nearly morose over it.

I went to his class again today determined to make some headway in the situation, for better or for worse. It was a fantastic yoga class, as usual, and afterwards we kept each other company on the stair step machines for a good half hour. He is so easy to talk to, sweet, kind, caring and considerate. While we were sweating away I casually asked about his weekend plans, how's his week look, etc. No bite. Finally when we were wrapping up the workout and heading to our respective locker rooms, I got out the 2x4: "So, can I call you tomorrow and see if Friday might work to get together?" That's when it came out "Well, there's this girl I'm seeing..." Disappointed doesn't begin to cover it.

While this experience didn't yield the results I was hoping for (a date) after some processing, I am still finding much good in it. First, I actually somehow found the guts to ask a guy out that I was interested in. I was persistant and creative and allowed myself to be vulnerable. That in itself is something to celebrate. Second, when I found out he was dating someone else, I allowed myself to feel the loss and be sad about it. I gave myself permission to grieve and know that there is no shame in being disappointed. Lastly, what I lost in a potential date, I gain in a burgeoning friendship. Everything that initially attracted me to him is still there, I just have to accept it in a different form. I would be an idiot to write him off just because he's not "available", I think there's too much value in him as a person to do that. I can always use more friends, and who knows, maybe he has a friend who is single! Click here to read more...