More than pomp and circumstance

Tomorrow is graduation. I will don cap and gown, hood, honors cord, and tassel with a gold “2007” motif hanging from it. I will walk across the stage, shake hands with the Dean, my advisor, and other notable persons from the School of Nursing and receive my diploma; I will even be “pinned”. After the ceremony, I will drink tea and eat cookies with the faculty, and then I will go out and celebrate with friends and family. And on the last day of the month, I will have officially conferred upon me the degree of Master of Nursing.

But this day is more than a ceremony, more than a ritual I begrudgingly tolerate, more even than the celebration of the completion of a degree program. I have been waiting for this day for much longer than 16 months; in one way or another, I have been waiting for this day for over four years.

Tomorrow’s ceremony will signify not only my graduation, it is my redemption. Tomorrow is the day I choose to be completely freed from my self-imposed captivity of worthlessness and abhorrence, shackled by the ghosts of past failures and foolish choices. Tomorrow I vow to spend more time looking forward with excitement and enthusiasm, rather than longingly, regretfully, looking back over my shoulder and fearfully wondering “what if”. Tomorrow is the day I finally finish something and let myself be proud of me.

Tomorrow is my winter solstice; the day that marks new light and rebirth and the end of the darkness that has ruled my heart and soul for too long; the day anger and agony dissolve away. And so, if I seem a little more wistful than most, or I seem to tear up rather easily, it is because, for me, this graduation is so much more than just pomp and circumstance.