-20%? Really?

I've been training with my friend Jason twice a week for about 6 months now, give or take time off for holidays/illness/work conflicts. In this time, my weight has fluctuated a bit, but overall, I have lost 0 lbs. I am not really bothered by this. The way I figure, with my life as chaotic as it is right now (full-time nurse practitioner student in clinical rotations and working half-time at the hospital, among other things) and given my propensity to stress-eat, I am pretty pleased with the fact that I haven't GAINED weight this (academic) year. Jason, apparently, does not feel the same way, as I found out last week. At the beginning of our session on Thursday, he told me that my homework for the week is to do calorie counts. Easy enough. I've been keeping food journals the entire time we've been working together. Initially, he would have me send him weekly reports, which he then picked over and criticized, but eventually he either lost interest or became fed up with my obstinacy and stopped giving me any feedback on them. So, I stopped emailing them to him. I thought that perhaps I was off the hook, but alas, 'twas not the case. Jason reminded me that "we only have four weeks left." Until the season starts, that is. BIKE SEASON.

And thus, I am now to do calorie counts in order to present him with a number that he will then hack, by at least 20%. He says that we are going to be increasing the intensity of our workouts and we will also have to "teach your body to do more with less." That doesn't make any sense to me. If you are making a more powerful engine, don't you need to give it more fuel? Not less? Lest you risk it breaking down on the side of the road?

I am very resistant to his suggestions when it comes to my diet, and I pay for my attitude in the form of a very frustrated trainer. I want to listen to him. I do. I don't want my friend/trainer getting so aggravated that he threatens to "break-up" with me because I won't listen to him.

But I just can't completely trust/believe him. Yet.

My body and eating habits are the MOST sensitive topics you can ever approach me about, and I have been so disappointed and so hurt by countless other efforts to change that yielded no results, that I suppose I am hesitant to believe anybody anymore. I suppose it's a perfect example of sabotaging yourself- I am so afraid of failing yet again, that I stop myself from *really* trying.

Maybe I can stop that vicious cycle this time.