The End

So dear cyberspace friends, the saga with Mr. X. is officially over. As quickly as he came into my life and captivated me with his beautiful blue eyes, his sweet and gentle nature, his loving caress, his intellect and witty charm; he is now gone.

All that is left is a gaping hole in my heart and memories of the future I'd imagined with him that now stands no chance of ever coming to fruition.

I try to remind myself that I am strong, that life goes on, that I still have a lot to enjoy, to be proud of, to look forward to. But somehow, none of that really means very much anymore. He breathed life into my life in a way that no one had before. What was once in vibrant color and high-definition, is now broadcast on 13" black and white with bad reception.

How do you make yourself un-love someone? I don't even know if that's possible, but it seems like the only way I will get past this. Because living knowing that someone I love is not a part of my life is unbearable. I've become a teeth-grinder again. I can't sleep. Tears well up in my eyes at the tiniest reminder or thought of him, and often at very inopportune moments. I push my body to its limits to bike farther, harder, longer, as though putting on more miles on two wheels will help my heart to escape his hold on me.

And so it is.